Lost in the middle of your own life
Someone asks, “So what do you actually want?”
And your mind goes completely blank.
You used to know. Or at least you thought you did. You had goals, plans, a reason to get up in the morning. Now? You’re going through the motions, wondering, “Is this it?”
If you’ve lost your sense of purpose and you honestly don’t know what you want anymore, I see you. And I promise, there’s nothing wrong with you.
This comes up with my clients and in my membership over and over again. You are SO not the only one.
What does losing your sense of purpose feel like?
It’s not always dramatic. Often it’s a quiet, nagging feeling that something’s missing. You might notice:
- Feeling lost in life, with no clear direction
- Not knowing what you want, or feeling guilty for wanting something different
- Going through the motions at work and at home
- Feeling restless, flat or bored, even when life looks “fine” on paper
- Scrolling other people’s lives and wondering where yours went
- Asking yourself, “Who am I now?”
So many people tell me, “I can’t put my finger on it, Lisa.” That not knowing is often the very first clue.
Why have I lost my sense of purpose?
Your life changed, but your identity didn’t catch up. Kids leave home. A career ends or changes. A relationship finishes. A parent dies. The role that gave you purpose is gone, and you haven’t yet worked out who you are without it.
You’ve spent years living for everyone else. When you’ve been the mum, the manager, the carer, the one who holds it all together, it’s easy to lose touch with what YOU want. You’ve simply never had the space to ask.
You’ve outgrown your old life. Sometimes we lose our purpose because we’ve changed. What fulfilled you at 30 might not fit at 50. That’s not failure. That’s growth.
You’re grieving. This is the one people miss. Losing your sense of purpose is a loss in itself. And it often follows another loss: a person, a marriage, your health, a dream. Grief can leave you feeling empty and directionless until you give it space.
That’s the lightbulb moment for so many of my clients. “Oh. I’m not lost. I’m grieving the life I had.”
Questions to help when you don’t know what you want
Grab a notebook and a cuppa. Don’t overthink it. Just write.
- When do I lose track of time?
- What did I love doing as a child, before anyone told me what I “should” do?
- What drains me, and what lights me up?
- If nobody would judge me, what would I try?
- What do I NOT want anymore? (Sometimes that’s easier to answer first!)
- What have I lost that I haven’t let myself grieve?
- Who do I admire, and what is it about their life that pulls me?
You don’t need all the answers. You just need a thread to start pulling.
How to find your purpose again
Purpose isn’t something you find in one big lightbulb moment on a mountaintop. It’s something you build, one small step at a time.
- Stop waiting for clarity. Clarity comes from action, not the other way round. Try things. Notice how they feel.
- Get to know your values. When you know what truly matters to you, decisions get SO much easier.
- Follow your curiosity. Not your passion. Curiosity is quieter and easier to find. What are you even a tiny bit interested in?
- Make space. You can’t hear yourself think when every minute is filled. Protect a little time that’s just yours.
- Honour what’s ended. Give yourself permission to grieve the old chapter before you start writing the new one.
- Take inspired action. One incremental step. Then another. Action action action!
- Don’t do it alone. Talking it through with someone outside your everyday life helps you see what you can’t see on your own.
I’ve been there too
After losing 12 loved ones in 22 months, I didn’t just lose people. I lost the version of me I thought I was. The life I’d planned. My sense of what it was all for.
There was another chapter too. When my girls left home, I felt like I’d lost my sense of purpose. My first thought? “I need a hobby.” As if that would cure it!
I was in an unhappy marriage. I felt alone. I had no direction and no passion. I was just existing…
And just existing is no life at all.
That journey is exactly what led me to coaching. Today I help people who feel lost, stuck or unsure what they want to work out who they are now and design a life they love.
I work online, so you can get support wherever you are, and I offer payment plans.
If you’re ready to stop feeling lost and start moving forward, let’s talk. Book a free call here: https://calendly.com/lisamariearcher/15-minute-consultation
Frequently asked questions
Why do I feel like I’ve lost my sense of purpose? Usually because something in your life has changed: your role, your relationships, your work or your health. Your old sense of purpose no longer fits, and a new one hasn’t formed yet.
What do I do when I don’t know what I want in life? Start small. Notice what drains you and what lights you up, get clear on your values, and try new things. Clarity comes from action.
Is it normal to feel lost in midlife? Very. Midlife often brings big changes like kids leaving home career change, menopause or losing parents. Feeling lost is often a sign you’re ready for a new chapter.
Can grief make you lose your sense of purpose? Yes. Loss shakes your identity and your view of the future. Feeling directionless is a common and often overlooked part of grief.
Can a life coach help me find my purpose? Yes. A life coach helps you get clear on what you want, work through what’s holding you back and take steps toward a life that feels like yours.
