Running on empty
You had a lie in. You took the weekend off. You even booked the holiday.
And you’re still exhausted.
Not “I need an early night” tired. Bone tired. The kind where answering one more email feels like climbing a mountain, and the thought of one more person needing something from you makes you want to hide under the duvet.
If you’re feeling burnt out and exhausted, I want you to hear this. It’s not because you’re weak. It’s not because you can’t cope. It’s because you’ve been carrying too much, for too long, with nowhere to put it down.
I talk about this with my clients and in my membership ALL the time. So let’s talk about it here too.
What is burnout, and how is it different from being tired?
Burnout is a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion caused by long term stress that never gets the chance to switch off.
Tiredness gets better with rest. Burnout doesn’t. You can sleep for ten hours and still wake up feeling like you haven’t slept at all.
The World Health Organization describes burnout as coming from chronic work stress. But in my experience, it’s rarely just work. It’s work PLUS caring for parents, raising kids, running a business, holding everyone together and being the one who “always copes.”
Signs of burnout
Burnout creeps up slowly. You might notice:
- Exhaustion that rest and sleep don’t fix
- Always tired with no motivation, even for things you used to love
- Snapping at people, then feeling guilty about it
- Brain fog, forgetting things, struggling to focus
- Feeling detached or cynical about work you once cared about
- Dreading Monday by Saturday lunchtime
- Headaches, aches, getting ill every time you finally stop
- Feeling like you’re failing at everything, even though you’re doing everything
If you’re nodding along… you’re not lazy. Your tank is empty.
Why does burnout happen?
Too much going out, nothing coming in. We give and give and give. To work, to family, to clients, to friends. But nobody is filling us back up, including us.
Being the strong one. If you’re the person everyone leans on, it’s hard to admit you need leaning on too. So you keep going. Until your body makes you stop.
No boundaries, or boundaries that keep moving. Saying yes when you mean no. Answering messages at 10pm. Bit by bit, there’s no time left that’s actually yours.
The hidden loss underneath. This is the one nobody talks about. So often, when I sit with someone who is burnt out, there’s a loss sitting underneath it. A parent who died. A marriage that ended. A job that changed. Kids who left home. A version of life they thought they’d have.
When we don’t give loss room to breathe, we keep busy instead. And busy is exhausting.
That’s often the lightbulb moment. “Oh. I’m not just tired. I’m grieving.”
How to start recovering from burnout
Recovery isn’t a bubble bath and a face mask (although I’m not knocking either!). It’s about changing what’s draining you.
- Admit it. Say it out loud: “I’m burnt out.” You can’t fix what you won’t name.
- Find the leaks. Write down everything that drains you this week. People, tasks, worries, the lot. You’ll be amazed what’s on there.
- Drop one thing. Not everything. Just one. Delegate it, delay it or delete it.
- Practise one small no. Start somewhere safe. Every no to something else is a yes to you.
- Rest before you’re empty. Build in tiny pauses every day: five minutes outside, a cup of tea without your phone, a slow breath before the next meeting.
- Look underneath. Ask yourself gently, “Is there something I haven’t let myself grieve?” The answer might surprise you.
- Get support. Burnout grows in isolation. Talking it through with someone who gets it can change everything.
When to get support
If you’ve been running on empty for weeks or months, if rest isn’t touching it, or you can’t see a way out, please don’t keep pushing through alone.
If you feel low most days, can’t sleep or eat, or physical symptoms are worrying you, speak to your GP. And if things ever feel too much, you can call Samaritans free, any time, on 116 123.
I know what it’s like to keep going on autopilot. When I lost 12 loved ones in 22 months, I kept busy, kept smiling, kept saying “I’m fine.” I wasn’t. I was exhausted in a way sleep couldn’t fix.
Even the basics felt impossible. Taking a shower took every ounce of energy I had. Brushing my teeth was a struggle. And reading a book? Forget it. I couldn’t get past the first page.
That’s what burnout can look like. Not dramatic. Just everything, even the little things, feeling SO hard.
So, what helped me turn the corner? Asking for support. I stopped trying to do it all on my own and leaned on my counsellor, my coach and my friends.
I also explored ways to help my body and nervous system recover, not just my mind. Energy work, breathwork, sound healing and reiki all helped me feel more grounded and, little by little, more like me again.
None of it happened overnight. But reaching out was the moment things started to shift.
Today I help people who are burnt out and exhausted find their energy, their boundaries and themselves again. 1:1, in my group membership, and through workplace training for teams.
I work online, so you can get support wherever you are, and I offer payment plans.
If you’re ready to stop running on empty, let’s talk. Book a free call here:
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I’m burnt out or just tired? Tiredness lifts with rest. Burnout doesn’t. If you’re exhausted after a good night’s sleep or a holiday, and you’ve lost motivation for things you used to enjoy, it may be burnout.
How long does it take to recover from burnout? It varies. Small changes can bring relief within weeks, but full recovery often takes months. The key is changing what caused it, not just resting.
Why am I always tired with no motivation? Long term stress, overload, lack of boundaries and unprocessed loss can all leave you depleted. If it’s persistent, check in with your GP to rule out physical causes too.
Can grief cause burnout? Yes. Grief takes huge emotional energy. When we keep busy instead of grieving, exhaustion often follows. Loss isn’t only death: divorce, redundancy and big life changes count too.
Can a coach help with burnout? Yes. A coach helps you spot what’s draining you, set boundaries and build a life that doesn’t leave you running on empty. Whether you call it burnt out or burned out, you don’t have to fix it alone.
