Do you ever feel like the world kept moving and you… didn’t?
Everyone else seems to have gone back to normal. The cards stopped coming. People stopped asking. And somewhere along the way you picked up the message sometimes gently, sometimes not that you should probably be “over it” by now. Newsflash, you don’t ever get over it.
But you’re stuck in it.
I want you to hear something first, before anything else: feeling stuck after loss is not a failure. It’s one of the most common experiences in grief. And it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
What being stuck in grief actually feels like
Stuck doesn’t always look like crying on the kitchen floor (though some days it might). More often, it looks like:
- Going through the motions work, washing, school run while feeling completely numb inside
- Avoiding certain rooms, songs, dates, or conversations because you can’t face them
- Snapping at people you love and not really knowing why
- Feeling like you lost your sense of who you are, not just the person you loved
- Wanting to move forward, and feeling guilty the moment you try
That last one catches so many people. Because moving forward can feel like leaving them behind. It isn’t. But nobody tells you that.
Why “time heals” isn’t the whole story
We’ve all heard it. Time heals all wounds.
Here’s the truth: time on its own doesn’t heal anything. It’s what happens within that time that matters. Grief isn’t a queue you wait in until your turn is done. It’s something you have to be supported through with space to feel it, understand it, and slowly build a life around it.
And here’s the part almost nobody talks about: grief isn’t only about death. We grieve the end of marriages. Careers. Health. Friendships. The life we thought we’d have. If you’ve been through a big loss of any kind and you feel stuck, that is grief and it deserves the same care.
Loss changes who you are and that’s why you feel lost
When you lose someone or something central to your life, you don’t just lose them. You lose the version of you that existed alongside them. The wife. The daughter. The person with that job title, that future, that plan.
So when clients tell me “I don’t even know who I am anymore” I get it. That’s not drama. That’s grief doing exactly what grief does.
The work isn’t to go back to who you were. That person met a loss and was changed by it. The work is to figure out who you are now and to build a life that has room for both your loss and your future.
Gentle ways to start moving forward after loss
If you’re stuck right now, you don’t need a ten-step plan. You need somewhere small to start:
Name it. Say it out loud, write it down: “I feel stuck.” Naming what’s happening takes some of its power away.
Drop the timeline. There is no schedule for grief. Wherever you are is where you are.
Talk to someone who won’t flinch. So many of us stay silent because we’re protecting other people from our grief. You deserve one space where you don’t have to.
Take one tiny action. Not a life overhaul. One walk. One phone call. One drawer. Stuck shifts through small movement, not giant leaps.
Watch for the guilt. When it whispers that moving forward means forgetting to remember that carrying someone with you and staying stuck are not the same thing.
How grief coaching helps when you’re stuck
This is the work I do every day. As an accredited life coach and certified grief educator, I support people across the UK who feel stuck after loss whether that loss happened three months ago or ten years ago.
Grief coaching isn’t about “fixing” you, because you are not broken. It’s a supportive, practical space where we make sense of where you are, honour what you’ve lost, and gently work out what moving forward looks like for you. No timelines. No judgement. No “shouldn’t you be over it by now?”
Because you don’t have to stay stuck somewhere you don’t belong. And you don’t have to do this alone.
If this post feels like it was written about you, let’s talk. I offer a free consultation call no pressure, just a conversation. Please book your call or contact me.
Lisa Archer is the founder of Holistic Life Coaching with Lisa Marie an International certified and accredited life coach and certified grief educator supporting clients online across the UK and the world through loss, change, and life transitions.
