Choosing a mastectomy after finding pre-cancerous cells

This post shares my personal experience as a life coach, of undergoing a mastectomy after the discovery of widespread pre-cancerous and cancerous cells. In March 2023, I had my first routine mammogram which led to a whirlwind of more scans, biopsies, and follow-up appointments. I was told I had a significant amount of pre-cancerous cells in my breast tissue on the left side. This post is about the moment I got that news, the decision I made, and everything that came after. From the shock and grief, to telling my family and friends, to the surgery itself and the tools I used to navigate this reality. 

We were ushered into the quiet room. I was shaking my head in disbelief. My first thought, “Of course I have breast cancer. Why wouldn’t I after all the crap me and my family have gone through in the past few years.” Losing 12 loved ones in 22 months.  Then I snapped out of it. I was resolute. I am certain Darren was frightened. Why wouldn’t he be? We finally found each other after all these years and now he must sit in a room hearing the words that I might have cancer. 

I had already spoken with the doctor after my ultrasound so I knew. I knew that I would require a mastectomy due to the large amount of pre-cancerous cells. What we didn’t know is if there was cancer present or had it spread.

I knew before I had my first mammogram. I knew when I received the letter to come back in for more tests

The nurse was lovely. She explained in detail what they believed they saw on the screen. I asked if I would need chemo or radiotherapy. She said, “No. Not if it is what we believe it to be.” I knew what it was. I knew it hadn’t spread. I knew I would have a mastectomy. My soul knew. I can’t explain it.

I asked what it would take to have the healthy side removed. Apparently, I would need to go through a psychological evaluation. Bring it on!

She left and we waited for my name to be called for not one but two biopsies. The room was full of amazing women taking care of me. Two ladies stood at my head whilst I had my breast clamped in the mammogram machine and needles going in and out. They asked me if I was comfortable. To which I responded, “Yes, I have never been more comfortable” as my arm is above my head and I am leaning sideways with my boob smashed in a machine. 

We laughed. We all laughed. Apparently, I was meant to remain still. Although seriously, where the hell was, I going to go?

I got gold stars for being so brave, apparently. Thinking about it, where are my gold stars? I didn’t even get any candy! That’s it. I’m going to go buy myself some gold stars! 

I knew.

Consultations, consultations, bloodwork, appointments, surgery scheduled. So many discussions about my options. Reconstruction, lifts, reductions, fat taken from my stomach, I asked if they could do that anyway and some from my ass would be appreciated. They didn’t comply.

I was resolute. Every person makes their own decision. I hold no judgement. For me, living flat was the ONLY option and I would fight to have the other one removed. Thankfully there was no fight required. 

April 27th, 2023 was the day. Breast lobbed off and cancer cut off. I went home that day. How crazy is that? Now we wait for the results. Six long weeks. The results were in. 

Pre-cancerous cells with some cancer cells forming, and lymph nodes clear! You need to take one pill a day for 5 years. That’s it. You’re done. 

Not quite….

Me: “What do I do to get the other one lobbed off?” Well, that is your right. You will need to schedule a psychological evaluation. Once we receive their recommendation we can go from there.

On the way out the nurse that was in the room said, “Have a think about it. You don’t need to make any rash decisions.” Darren said, “Oh it’s not and she won’t be changing her mind. I know her.” Of course I laughed at that. He was so right! 

I passed that freaking test with flying colours and 90 days later I had the healthy side removed. 

I have friends and a few ladies in the hospital that I met were told they couldn’t have the healthy side removed. That seems cruel. That is cruel! Living with one breast was the worst part for me when it came to my body looking different. It was messing with me psychologically and emotionally. Once I had the healthy side removed, I was free!!!

After losing so many loved ones through death, hiring a bereavement counsellor and then a Life Coach. I had enough tools in my toolbelt that I was able to put into practice, again, when facing cancer. 

My prognosis was the best it could. My attitude was even better. I can honestly say that being a patient is easier than being the carer. I understood this at a practical and deep level so it was important that I shared my positivity with my loved ones. I knew I was going to be ok and because of this mindset and this knowing, they too were ok. 

I am filled with gratitude and once again reminded how short and fragile this life is. I refuse to settle. I refuse to be miserable. Does life kick me in the gut sometimes? Yes. But I bounce. I feel all the feels, as they say. Then, I figure out what I need and then I go after it. Sometimes I need outside support. Sometimes I need to go inward. Sometimes I need laughter. Sometimes I need calm. One thing I always need is gratitude.

I am grateful for my life.

I am grateful for science. 

I am grateful for the surgeons. 

I am grateful for my results.

I am grateful for the NHS.

I am grateful for the love of my life, Darren. 

I am grateful for my daughters. 

I am grateful for all of my friends who said, “You got this!” 

I am grateful for the quiet room.