Grief is messy, painful, and comes in many different shapes and sizes. Typically, we associate grief with a loss of a loved one through death. This type of loss is incredibly painful that most of us have experienced. Loss of a parent, child, friend, spouse, partner, sibling, etc…
However, there are other types of loss that we sometimes do not recognize or acknowledge the pain, the grief. We humans tend to put things into categories, list of importance and then place judgement on our pain.
What do I mean by this? If we lose a parent through death and we also lose a spouse through divorce, we can at times place more pain and acknowledgement around the grief of losing a parent as this is ‘worse.’ In reality, divorce is a loss that deserves attention and for some this loss is more painful than losing a parent, especially if you had a difficult relationship with your parent.
Other types of loss that we grieve;
- Loved ones through death
- Friendships
- Community
- Religion/faith
- A specific dream you had for your future
- Loss of a job
- Pet
- A home you loved
- Health/independence
The list goes on. Unfortunately, we all belong to this club. It is so important to have our grief witnessed. To be seen, heard, and loved.
Grief is complex. It is not a ‘one size fit all’ and it is important to acknowledge our pain.
We humans want things to make sense, even loss. Sometimes there is no sense to loss. How do we make sense of a child dying?
Grief and loss suck! Yet, it is a part of life. Oftentimes, we have to sit in our pain. Let it wash over us and work damn hard to claw our way through the muck and mire. Then, we rest, recover, and repeat.
I wish I didn’t speak from experience but I do. I have experienced multiple losses through death in a very short time. Twelve loved ones in a 22-month period to be exact which include my niece, my parents, and my 24-year-old son-in-law. I’ll throw my divorce in there as well.
So how do we find meaning in our pain? How do we live a life of passion and purpose?
Living a life of passion and purpose around my pain does not mean I am grateful for all my loss and glad these losses occurred so I can help others. I would exchange all of my passion, purpose, and meaning from the multiple deaths in order to have my loved ones back. I would give it up in a heartbeat.
However, it is not reality. Therefore, all the hard work, all the knowledge, empathy, understanding, education, experience, has taught me that life is fragile so you best do what you love.
You can create a life of passion and purpose around your pain.
A few things that work for me;
- TAKING MASSIVE ACTION!
- Grief counselling
- Hired a Life Coach
- Making difficult but necessary decisions to create the life I desired and deserve
- Surrounding myself with healthy friends who witnessed my grief. They sat with me and listened
- Saying goodbye to toxic relationships
It is not easy but I can tell you it is possible to create a life of passion and purpose around your pain.
